The Stick
by Qk
Summary: It all started with a touch of a brown stick with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know... AU, 1S


**Save Your IQ and RUN!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own YGO or any of its characters.

**D/N**: Wow... uhm... Yes. Pretty much, I've got writer's block... So I randomly decided to write this at 10:37pm just for the helluvit. So... Yeah. This thing is absolutely and completely pointless. If you wish to preserve ANY IQ that you may have, RUN! RUN FAR AWAY! FARTHER THAN THAT!

OOOOOOOO 

On the ground there was a stick.

On the ground there was a brown stick.

On the ground there was a brown stick with magical abilities unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know.

The stick was on a path.

The path was in a forest.

The forest was in a park.

The park was in Domino City.

And Domino City just happened to be where a curious bunch of people lived. Even more curious was how they reacted when they saw the brown stick in a park in a forest lying on a path with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know.

It just so happened that on that particular day, in that particular park, in that particular forest, on that particular path, with that particular stick, a very strange thing happened. Well, strange in the sense that it never happened before. But it wasn't strange to the stick. The stick was just doing what it was supposed to do: Sharing its magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know with unsuspecting people.

And was Joey Wheeler unsuspecting.

You see, Joey Wheeler is not your typical guy. Well, _technically_ he is, but it really all depends on where you live. So, in my part of the world, Joey Wheeler is not typical. For one thing, he's got a killer accent and big poofy hair. He's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed - or he is and just isn't letting on - and has a tendency to pick fights with another guy named Seto Kaiba. That was all pretty normal for Joey Wheeler. But what happened _next_ was not.

Depending, of course, where you lived in the world.

Joey, being your typical guy depending on what section of the world you defend with a sharp, pointy object, was doing what any guy would do when you were on a path in the middle of a forest in a park in Domino city - he was walking down it. And - oh, _what_ a surprise! - there was the magical stick with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know.

Now, Joey, being quite aquatinted with sticks, as they were his choice pointy object when it came to defending his part of the world, knew right off the bat that _this_... _this_ was not an ordinary stick. And it just so happened that he did the following once he saw the stick.

"Wow... That's a really strange stick... I bet it has magical properties unlike any the world has ever know or would ever begin to know." Then Joey thought to himself for a moment. "Or maybe I'm just bein' a paranoid freak."

No, Joey. Fear the stick. _Fear_ it.

Joey, of course, did _not_ pick up on my little narrative of fearing the stick, and therefore did not fear the stick but embraced it. The presence of the stick, I mean. And to properly embrace something, you must first hug it. So Joey went to do just that.

But then something happened.

When Joey picked up the stick... something _changed._

Something inside of Joey opened up. Something that had never been opened before. Or, at least, never that much. But Joey didn't fear the change. He embraced it. As a matter of fact, since the change was inside of him, he decided to embrace himself. No, not like that you dirty, sick-minded people. I simply mean he gave himself a big, loving hug.

It just so happened, however, that strolling down the street was the very man that Joey himself despised so much. Seto Kaiba, with his big, billowy, trench coat, was walking down this path and - lo and behold! - came face-to-face with Joey, who was, in fact, completely engrossed with the task of giving himself a big, loving hug.

Seto stared.

Seto blinked.

Seto gawked.

Seto's jaw dropped.

And finally, when he could stand it no longer, Seto Kaiba opened his mouth and said, "Wheeler, what in _hell_ are you doing?"

This, unfortunately, did not give the CEO the desired results which would have been a termination in his current action, or a simple response. In7stead, Joey whirled around, and threw his arms around Seto in a bone-crunching hug.

This wouldn't have been too bad for the CEO, who was quite used to fending off raving fan-girls. It was simply that he was just too shocked to do anything. Especially when Joey began trying to kiss him. And then Kaiba got panicky.

"WHEELER! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Seto cried, and did the only thing he was able to do in that situation - grab something sharp and pointy and defend his personal space.

Unfortunately, there was nothing very sharp or pointy, and the only thing that was really there to grab was the brown stick with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know, which was still, at the time, residing in Joey's hand. But that all changed.

You see, Seto, in his frenzied state, was unable to see the unusual qualities that was the brown stick, and therefore, assuming that _that_ stick was like any other stick and not a brown stick with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know, grabbed it.

But don't worry, boys and girls. The suddenly strangeness of the stick rapidly hit Kaiba once he touched it and Joey suddenly let go of Kaiba, free from the stick with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know.

Or, should I say, it rapidly hit _Joey_.

Kaiba had also suddenly changed. Something inside of Kaiba was opened in a way that had never been opened before. And it unnerved him. It unnerved him to the point where he got angry. Very angry. And the only one to take his anger out on was Joey.

And so he did.

Seto beat Joey with the stick.

Seto beat Joey with his hands.

Seto kicked Joey.

Seto punched Joey.

Seto pulled Joey's hair.

Seto basically mauled Joey.

And Joey didn't know what was going on.

It just so happened, however, that strolling down that path in the forest in the park in Domino City, were none other than the three Yamis - Yami, Marik, and Bakura. Why were they strolling down the path in the forest in the park in Domino City at that particular moment?

Because I said so.

Do not deny my logic.

Anyways, the three Yamis eventually came face-to-face with Seto Kaiba, who was currently too preoccupied with his attempted homicide to bother with them.

Yami gasped.

Bakura smirked.

Marik laughed and cheered and was about to join in when suddenly Kaiba whirled around and began to brutally maul Marik.

Marik wasn't too happy after that.

Joey was, however, and took off running.

And of course, as everyone knows, the only way to protect yourself when being severely beaten by a deranged CEO is to grab something sharp and pointy.

Luckily for Marik, he had his pointy Millennium Rod.

Luckily for Kaiba, Yami took it away.

So Marik had to resort to other means of defending his personal space. And his life. He grabbed the only other remotely sharp and pointy object there was in reach. The brown stick with magical properties unlike any the world had ever known or would ever begin to know.

But the moment Marik touched it, something happened.

Something inside of Kaiba jumped from him to Marik, and had seemingly different effects.

Kaiba, quite dazed and tired - as we all know, beating someone continuously for no reason other than it's a free country and we can all do what we damn well please - staggered around for a few moments.

Marik, on the other hand, was absolutely frozen solid.

Bakura turned to Yami and said in a deep and ominous voice, "Yami... this is no ordinary stick. Obviously this brown stick has magical properties unlike any the world has ever known or will ever begin to know."

Yami turned to Bakura and said, "Your deep and ominous voice sounds a lot better. Have you been practising?"

Bakura nodded, and both turned their attention to Marik, who still had not moved.

They waited.

They waited a minute.

They waited a minute and another.

They waited a minute and then two more after that.

They waited and waited and waited and waited until finally they realised that the word 'waited' was such a stupid word and had the strangest spelling and began to lose meaning after a while.

And then... it happened.

Marik began to move.

Marik moved his hand.

Marik moved his foot.

Marik moved his arm.

Marik moved his leg.

Marik moved his neck.

Marik moved his bum.

And Marik began to salsa.

Kaiba, feeling a little bit better, meekly complimented Marik on his dancing.

Marik, however, took this as a cue that Kaiba wanted to join in the fun.

So poor Kaiba got dragged into a tango, which was done - surprisingly - well.

Yami began to clap a beat, but Bakura was getting a bit sick to his stomach while watching them. Besides, he realised what a powerful weapon that stick could be - for him and against him.

So Bakura had to get rid of the stick.

But in order to get rid of something, one must first _touch_ something.

So Bakura grabbed the stick away from Marik, him in his process. Kaiba, I mean. Marik was a bit disappointed that he was compelled to dance anymore, so he struck up a solo-waltz.

Yami, Kaiba, and Marik - in-between twirls - stared at Bakura.

Bakura stared at Kaiba and Marik, disregarding Yami.

Kaiba and Marik stared back.

Bakura stared at them.

They stared at Bakura.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited until the point where they changed the word 'waited' to 'gunkily,' because that just seemed like the cool thing to do.

And then finally, Bakura let out a cry of rage and hurled both Kaiba and Marik into the Shadow Realm.

Bakura then turned to Yami, and set the stick on fire.

"Piece of junk." He snapped. "It didn't work on me."

OOOOOOOO 

**OOOOO**

**OOOOO**

**D/N:** - -;; Quuuuuuuuuuuuuite... If you already ran, good for you. Yes... well, I'm going to go to sleep now. It's 11:21pm. And I'm TIRED-ness. I SHOULD have the next chapter of 'Of Dogs and Men' up soon, but bear with me peoples!


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